I've experience God's grace in my own life. I've received forgiveness of sin, and power to live life according to the Word of God, and I'm increasing in my love and devotion for the Lord. My children have thrust me into His arms since the day our first was conceived, and I've witnessed God come through for them when I had no answers or way to get through. I've cried out to God in deep anguish over my own marriage, my family, and especially my children asking that He save us, help us, and deliver us. Not one time have I seen God fail to answer, to come, or to rescue, though many times I was told to sit and wait, or move on with life without the desired result in hand, but always to trust. Sure enough, given enough time, things have always turned around and come out so much better than I could have ever hoped, that my faith is sealed in Christ and in Christ alone.
The story of Eugene is by far one of the most gracious and lavish expressions of God's grace that I have ever seen. I admit that when I found out that Maggie was pregnant, my inward soul was thrown into a tizzy. I have preached all my life that God opens and closes the womb, that no man can put a baby together inside a mother's belly, and that children are a blessing and a reward. The day we learned of this pregnancy, it didn't feel like any of the above could be true. It felt like God was imprisoning her to a situation she so desperately wanted to escape, and chaining our family to a lifetime of conflict. How in the world could this be a blessing? And WHY in the world would God open her womb??? I didn't say these things except in the quiet alone with Curtis and before the Lord, but I never directly asked God why, I just told Him that I trusted His Word over what I could see, and I waited. Even though I didn't yet have the answers, I expressed to Maggie time and again last year that God gave her this pregnancy and He has blessed her in spite of her rebellion, that He loved her no matter what had happened, and that her sin was never the issue. He paid for it in full and remedied her fall from Him on the cross and through the power of His resurrection. He didn't come to save perfect people, for none are perfect. He came to save those that needed saving, meaning every single one of us. Her only place was to receive that forgiveness with gratitude and be free to live apart from guilt, shame, or disgrace. Though I didn't understand it in full at the time, I knew her pregnancy was the very evidence of His grace.
Last year, it became more and more apparent that the struggle within Maggie was monumental, and it also became evident that within the very acts that would threaten to destroy Maggie was wrapped an anchor that would sustain her life through unbelievably turbulent waters. Though she emerged from the storm battered and bruised, and quite bitter at first, she was alive. She shared later that though abortion crossed her mind, she knew way too much about life in the womb to seriously consider that, but the more real temptation was to end her life which would of course terminate the baby's life, as well. Though she didn't feel worthy to live, she felt her baby had a right to life, so she pressed on. Details are hers only to share, but what I witnessed was a violent throw back and forth from her degrading life of immorality back to the Lord, then back to wrestling with a life of sin, then back home, until one day, the struggle was old and the decision was at hand.
She needed to choose. There were people being strung along in the drama that were experiencing heartbreak right along with her, and the aftermath was growing wider. She was free to choose, but we were also. I gave the ultimatum that if she wanted that life, she was free to go live it, but that we were out. I wanted no part of it, nor would I expose the children to it as good and right. Her Daddy and I would always be here for her, but this "hanging out" together like a family was ending, to call if she needed us, but to go do her thing somewhere else.
That day, she made arrangements to go to California to stay with Madison and Joel for a few weeks. Madison had already extended the invitation knowing Maggie was torn up and needed a change of scenery to collect her thoughts and make sense of what was now happening. Maggie went with her choices in hand, and asked God one last time where her future laid. Should she make a life with the father of her baby and become a family, or should she move home and end this relationship? Over the next few weeks, Curtis and I told Maggie that if she wanted to marry this man, we'd make it work. No, it's not what we believed best, but we'd come along and become a family including and even over time embracing this man as her husband. She knew she couldn't make it on her own at this point, and we didn't want her making a decision because she felt trapped. We completely supported her either way; what we didn't support was her continuing in an immoral relationship with him.
She and Madison spent afternoons at the beach, evenings cooking and visiting, and the one who had left us 5 years ago, questioning all we stood for and believed, came alongside the family reasoning with Maggie how much we loved her, how we wanted her to succeed, and how we were fighting to save her from a deplorable life. Two weeks later, she moved home and resubmitted to life as a daughter of Curtis and Jackie Parnell. She gave up immorality, immodesty, her phone, and before she moved home, she had been in a car accident that totaled her car because of the air bags deploying, so she had no car anymore either. I knew that the challenge to rebuild our trust and be included in the hearts and lives of her siblings that had been so devastated by her choices would seem insurmountable but in reality, it would only take love. And love is what she received, wave upon wave. It took several weeks before I saw the tenderhearted, fiercely loyal, generous spirited Maggie I know to emerge from under the rubble, but she began rebuilding and asking God to heal her.
As I mentioned in the last post, she and I spent unprecedented time together doing everything from First Monday Trade Days in east Texas to almost daily grocery runs. We went shopping for her baby to gather all she thought she would need to create a space for him upstairs next to her, and we shopped for more maternity clothes to get her through the last three months. We talked and talked and talked, in the car, in the early morning light before the house was roaring with activity, and late at night when the house had finally quieted down with only two or three awake. Her prenatal visits were a guaranteed outing with a lunch date to follow every two weeks, then every week at the end, and by the time baby came, Maggie had softened and fully relinquished control to the Lord, coming to a place in her heart she had not been in more than two years.
What I learned over the course of the fall with her was that this thing didn't happen overnight. Though it looked that way to anyone who knew Maggie, as it seemed like she simply lost her ever-lovin' mind over the course of three weeks, and nearly ruined her life, it didn't happen in three weeks of bad decisions. Maggie revealed the contents of her heart and what she had been thinking for more than a year before she completely derailed. Sin is first a thought before it is a temptation, and if you leave it in your head, it is only a matter of time before you act on it. If you act once, there's little to no power to resist again unless you repent. Repent has become such a nasty word in our day and time, with connotations of guilt and shame, but really all it means is to turn around and go the other way, to change direction, about face. Anyone who's gotten started in a bad habit or addiction knows all too well how impossible it is to get out or leave the thing you once embraced. You don't hold sin to do with as you please, it holds you, and for one purpose only....to destroy you. In a sense, it was a relief to know that she didn't abandon ship in a day, but it was also disconcerting that I knew little of the struggles inside her head in the months prior to her fall. These kids and I spend every day together, we talk about everything, no subject is taboo. I've told them my entire history leaving little to the imagination, and Curtis has shared his story, too, letting them each know our need for a Savior and for redemption. But, each one has to walk his own journey, and come to his own faith in Christ. I can't do that for them.
Another thing I know for absolute certainty now that I couldn't have told you before is that God will take care of our children, even when things look damaged beyond repair, or when you think they've stepped willingly beyond His grasp, despising His intervention. HE IS FAITHFUL! Ohhhh, Jesus, thank you!!! He is sooooooooooooo good. I cannot and probably will not ever say this enough, whether through blogging our story, or sharing with a friend, or telling the children in our home, GOD IS GOOD and ALL POWERFUL. I've calmed down in my tendency to despair and panic as I've watched one after the other walk away to one degree or another coming into adulthood. There are catastrophic things that could've happened in each one's life that didn't because God was answering our prayers, covering them in spite of themselves and constantly showing his love and faithfulness even when they were faithless. I walk with more confidence now. I'm embarrassed at how much I thought I loved and trusted the Lord, but knowing how much more I do now, I see where I didn't honestly believe it then. My walk with Him has been "obey first, believe later" which isn't a bad road; but I wanna walk the one that is so confident in Him that I believe and obey all at once. I don't just say the thing He said, I KNOW it. It just takes time....a lifetime. We are so earthly bound and tuned into what we can see, taste, touch, hear, smell, or feel that we have no idea what He's really done for us. But, when you need to know what's He's done or you'll die, you'll find out....and fast.
People kept saying that what we've taught these kids will come through, they know the truth, they'll come back. But, when you see them walk away time and again, you wonder. God gave us a free will and honors our choices. He doesn't force us to choose Him. There are those around Curtis and I that we love, but have absolutely chosen to forsake the Lord and His ways, and it has affected our family. Could that be how these precious stories were going to pan out? One family member told me years ago that it was a joke among them that my favorite verse in the Bible was Matthew 10:34 where Jesus said, "Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household!" When I was told this devastating news, as if I had prayed for a splintered family, and broken relationships, I cried my eyes out. When I told Curtis what was said, in his very pragmatic way, he simply said, "Well, it is a verse in the Bible." I got to thinking about it and retreated to my room to cry some more and tell God how bad it hurt. As I was on my knees, wiping tears away, I heard the Lord say, "So, have you read it?" Actually, no I had not read the whole section, so now I was curious.
"Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! If you love your father or mother more than you love Me, you are not worthy of being Mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than Me, you are not worthy of being Mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow Me, you are not worthy of being Mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for Me, you will find it." Matthew 10-34-39
A sigh, then more tears, but not for me and my sorrow, they were out of love for Him and desire to be fully His no matter what the cost. I was gonna make it, with or without my children, my mother, my brother, my sister, my family. I also learned that if we want God to intervene, to answer our prayers, we better do the thing His way. How did He deal with sin in Scripture? How did He advise to handle those in rebellion to righteousness, who through their life decisions overtly forsake what the Bible teaches as morality, or truth? How do we apply grace and tolerance, don't "judge lest we be judged" and yet deal with sin when one chooses to sin? It's all there for the reading, in the New Testament, under the new covenant of grace. I've read and re-read. I've listened with acute hearing honestly seeking what to do. Not that I've cornered the market on the subject, but Curtis and I have come to policies and procedures, if you will, for which we are prepared to give and answer and by which we stand today. God works through His Word. Jesus is the Word that became flesh. The best bet of an answered prayer is to find out what the Word says. And, come to find out, IT IS TRUE! It is true, whether my testimony is so or not. I'm just grateful I've come to understand it is true and I get to see it fulfilled in the lives of those most precious to me.
The day Eugene was due was the day right in between two other birthdays around here, January 19th. What was so significant was the meaning of the names of the ones who's birthdays bordered his due date. Mercy was born the 18th, and Christian Pearce was born the 20th. The expectation of Eugene was surrounded by God's mercy on one end and Christ pierced for our iniquities on the other. God had Eugene and everything related to him covered. Low and behold, Maggie went into labor on the due date, and a short peaceful 7 hours later, still January 19th by only a few minutes, Eugene was born. Wow. I was honored to witness Maggie set the bar unbelievably high for any woman who would ever labor again. She was amazing! She willfully set aside every anxious thought, every doubt, and every unspoken fear, and just let her body do what it was created to do. Everyone there was inspired to greatness. She never uttered one word of despair. I had been a little unnerved wondering if I could handle one of my babies in the same pain and duress into which my labors have thrown me. I was so grateful. I just supported her, giving counter pressure to her lower back, but it was over so fast I didn't wear out either!
Donna Miller attended her birth, but was only needed to coach the new mama afterward and help her begin the healing process. Maggie delivered Eugene in the tub all by herself. What an anointing this woman has to bring peace and assurance!
Maggie and I arrived home at an early 4:00am with Curtis greeting us at the car and helping Maggie get to our bed downstairs where she'd spend the next two weeks. The meet and greets began at sunrise and the entire family was in awe once again at one of God's precious miracles delivered to our home.
He's such a manly little man already. Could never be mistaken for a girl....look at that face!!
Maggie decided to have Eugene circumcised after much study on the subject, and many strong opinions delivered through blogs and articles for and against the practice. Her daddy and I were scheduled to take her to Rabbi Ravinski in Dallas who had done our boys. He's an excellent professional that accomplishes the procedure in less than a minute, many times without a tear from the baby. The day before we were to go, Curtis got called away to Houston, so Curtis Wade graciously agreed to accompany the two of us to take the little guy. Eugene did so well, that I teased how I was growing in envy of the ease and smooth-as-silk transition from womb to life in this world that Maggie was experiencing with her first child. It truly was unbelievable. He was so peaceful, never cried, and slept all the way home. We stopped for lunch on the way home and really enjoyed the outing, just the four of us. Priceless memories.
Madison made it back to Texas to welcome her first nephew along with the rest of us. She's returned to the faithful lover of all that is good and lovely, all that is pertains to her family, to us. How I soak up these days!
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