Aspiring to Greatness Once Again

Do you ever have a moment when, if only for a second, you sense some sort of greatness that lies within? Yes, I know about the Presence of the Lord within, of course, and there isn't a day that I honestly do not bask in that with my entire heart. But, I'm speaking of glimpses of a future, grander than today, when you're somehow a better person than you are right now. A day when you've done more than just conquer some bad habit, like biting your nails or picking your lips, or you've lost those pesky 15 pounds that are hanging on for dear life. Though those goals serve to motivate you to choose a salad for lunch today, or try a new chapstick, glossier this time, they aren't the goals that, when envisioned, bring tears of glorious hopefulness and earnest prayers of faith reaching out to bring personal mountaintops into clear view.

So many things that seemed utterly impossible, especially for me, have not only been attained, but in some ways mastered.....stupid stuff, like getting dinner on the table, (something actually edible), or coming up with a cohesive schedule that orchestrated younger children's varying needs alongside older children's more complicated opportunities in a peaceable way. I remember crying when I had only two children underfoot, wondering how in the world I would ever handle seven (the number to which I then aspired). Now, watching the harmony and flow of this household amazes me! The success of which is due to factors I didn't know to count on, like the individuality of each one of these people God has given us to rear and nurture in His admonition, their giftings, their abilities, and willingness to be a part, and take us further than we could have ever gone without them. I can get so caught up watching and praying for them, ensuring I'm ever ready to make a way for them, that I forget what really drives me, or "what I want to be when I grow up".

Sounds silly, I know. I am going to be 40 this year :) But, when do you stop dreaming....planning? Curtis has told me a couple of times, when I've asked him where he sees us in 10 years, that it may be time for certain dreams to be set aside for the sake of meeting the needs of those entrusted to us. His sense of responsibility is truly awe-inspiring, and has served to abundantly provide for us all, but I don't think he even realizes what is yet in store for himself!

In all honesty, I really believe that by looking over the past years of answered prayers and unending faithfulness of the Lord, that the magnitude of our new prayers should easily be loftier than ones prayed in our youth. I know mine are, and I keep them safely guarded deep inside, only released loudly and passionately when driving alone......not much different than the seventeen year old girl I used to be driving down these same country roads, windows down, music up, wind in my hair, aching with tears in my eyes for all that I'm living right now. The confidence in me grows. I've taken note that when fear of failure has obstructed the flow of grace, God has gently and quietly sent someone to hold my hand through the first few tries, getting me over myself, and proving He is quite enough to get any job done!
What's even more amazing is that on several occasions, that someone has been one of my own children. In the presence of a child, there is no threat, no competition, no judgement, just a raw aggression to get out there and do it, at least once, to see if you like it...to see if you can!

Curtis is in Houston tonight. The older kids and I watched "Julie and Julia" until a little after 1:00am (great movie!). It's raining softly outside my bedroom window. I am not on any schedule (at the moment) but my own; I've got one daughter's 13th birthday to plan, and another's 16th shortly following that....cannot wait! Valentine's Day is next week, one of my favorite in the year, and I've already got little notes ready to tuck into His pockets, briefcase, glasses case, and wherever else the imagination can predict a love note to be found :) Then, we spend our 17th anniversary together, three days utterly alone.....wow. We plant our garden, more school, guitar lessons, sewing lessons, dinner on the table, football spring training..... and life goes on.

In the meantime, I'm going to be working on those 15 pounds (yes, they're mine, actually more like 20), trying Mary Kay's new mineral make-up line, reading books I bought two years ago, writing, sketching, and singing...though only around the house, at least I can again! All of this, as the Lord wills. Running for office? Not just yet, besides, I think that one is for Curtis!

I don't know that I've ever had a Scripture for any given year, but this year is different: When I got into Curtis's car to run to the store the other day, he had the Bible on CD playing, and Psalm 112 started. Yes, the Lord spoke to me, "Write it on the hearts of your children. Capture it in your own, speak of it often. This is what I'm doing this year." I can't tell you the chills creeping up from my toes! I am sooooo excited!

"Praise the Lord! How joyful are those who fear the Lord and delight in obeying His commands. Their children will be successful everywhere; an entire generation of godly people will be blessed. They themselves will be wealthy, and their good deeds will last forever. Light shines in the darkness for the godly. They are generous, compassionate, and righteous. Good comes to those who lend money generously and conduct their business fairly. Such people will not be overcome by evil. Those who are righteous will be long remembered. They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly. They share freely and give generously to those in need. Their good deeds will be remembered forever. They will have influence and honor. The wicked will see this and be infuriated. They will grind their teeth in anger; they will slink away, their hopes thwarted."

Ohhhhh, yeah! Taste and see that the Lord is good! Take this one for your own....after all, it was written, promised to both of us!